Having a supportive manager can make or break your experience on the job. And for women of color in leadership roles, that lack of support can snowball into not being prepped or considered for promotions and severely impact their mental and physical health.
In part four of our Coached by Vanity series, we meet another ShiftED client struggling with a micromanaging supervisor with anti-Black biases. Check out how I coach them through a common yet stressful experience that women of color are faced with in the workplace:
Dear Vanity,
I’ve been at my job for a few years now, and while things aren’t perfect, I’ve stayed because my direct team is still good to work with.
Or was good to work with, I should say, because I have a new manager that is a complete nightmare to work with. From day one, she’s been mistrusting of me, unaccomodating, and a hardcore micromanager.
I’ve had to start documenting our interactions because she frequently backpedals on decisions that she’s made and gaslights me into thinking that I misunderstood her. She takes any mistake or misspeak from me as a lack of competence (saying things like “I’m surprised you don’t know that already”) and leaves me out of team decisions that I should be included in.
I’m nervous that my job is on the line. I liked my company and what I did until she joined the team and dynamics quickly changed (and if you were wondering, yes, she is).
Am I just being difficult and having a hard time adjusting? Is there a way to salvage this, or should I start getting my exit strategy in place?
-Office Nightmare
Hey Office Nightmare,
I’m so sorry that you’re having this experience at work, but I’m glad you reached out for support. This isn’t uncommon amongst my clients, and many women of color have been in your shoes before.
First, I want to affirm what you’re experiencing. You question if you’re just being “difficult” or if there’s a way for you to fix things. White Supremacy Culture can make us question ourselves, but it’s important to trust our instincts and believe people when they show us who they are. Questioning why you don’t know something is belittling, and leaving you out of team decisions you should be included in is creating a hostile working environment.
When a manager of this style joins your team, it’s clear that there are some cracks in your company’s DEI commitments. It’s a precarious situation to be in, but here are a few things to consider to help you come to an empowered decision:
Document Everything: A manager that frequently forgets things or backpedals on decisions is one that you have to be mindful of. Recap meetings in emails so that decisions are carefully documented. Should this manager truly be building a case against you, you will need the paper trail.
Tread Lightly With HR: Many of the women of color I coach go to HR expecting to have their voices heard, and be advocated for. The problem is, the department that’s set up to protect the best interest of the company can’t simultaneously protect your best interests too. You’re in a hostile work environment, so any report you make against your manager will only add to your stress. If there’s any request you make to your company, you could consider asking to transfer to another department with a different supervisor. If your company truly stands in their DEI values, they will handle your case with care.
Start Packing Your Bags: If all else fails, consider getting your exit strategy together. Should you decide to leave, know that it’s not a sign of defeat. You have a right and responsibility to make decisions that are most aligned with your values, and you deserve to be in a respectful and equitable working environment. Workplace bullying and discrimination aren’t things to push through or strategize around.
While it’s a painful experience, you’re learning your boundaries in the workplace and what you will and will not stand for. Continue to advocate for yourself as best you can and take care of your mental and emotional health.
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