ShiftED’s fourth anniversary is coming up soon, and I’ve been in my feelings lately reflecting on the journey it’s been the last few years.
When I first started ShiftED, the world – both at large and within my direct experience – was in turmoil. The COVID-19 pandemic had shut life as I knew it down to a screeching halt, and I was at a turning point in my career. I was fed up with playing office politics, and working in spaces that were not in my alignment with my values.
After feeling depleted by some of the experiences I had endured as a Black woman leading in the education and nonprofit sectors, my vision became crystal clear: I wanted to eradicate racism and anti-blackness from organizations across America. Since then, I've coached hundreds of Black women through challenging experiences as they struggled under the weight of White supremacy culture in their places of work.
From now through the month of August, this Coached by Vanity series will share mock scenarios inspired by real dilemmas that my clients have faced in the workplace and how to use DEI principles to get a shift in their experience.
In part one of this series, we hear from one client who is dealing with the disappointing – yet common – experience of starting a new job and quickly realizing it is not a good fit:
Dear Vanity,
So, I got the job– yay! After months of unemployment, I finally got an offer. There’s just one problem: I absolutely hate it.
I accepted the job because, well, bills, bills, bills. This job market is tight, and I’ve experienced a layoff in the past year. Things are already feeling tense between me and my supervisor. If I make a minor mistake, she questions my competence and if I can meet the “high expectations” of the role. I’m experienced, but I feel like I failed.
I am doing all that’s asked of me, but my heart isn’t in it; how can it be, when I feel belittled and mistrusted just for existing at work? I feel nervous, because I’m sure my supervisor can sense the discomfort.
I need the income and health insurance, and just the thought of getting back into this job market makes me sick. How do I stay here knowing it’s not working? I haven’t even made it 90 days here– what should I do?
-Mismatch
Hey Mismatch,
I am so sorry to hear that things are not working out at your new job.
First things first, I want you to practice some self-compassion because you are not alone in this experience. It’s incredibly common to start a job and not like it; it in no way makes you a failure. The job and the company culture are not a strong fit for you, and it’s good to admit this early on.
I get your concern about money. Half of all women are struggling financially, and Black women in particular are feeling pressured with 60% being head of household. For many of us, there is no safety net; so quitting a job without another form of income lined up is not a decision to take lightly.
At the same time, capitalism indoctrinates us to believe there’s scarcity everywhere. It’s been ingrained in us that a job equals stability, when rampant layoffs suggest that simply isn’t true. This keeps us churning on the wheel of capitalism, even as our mental, emotional, and physical health suffer in a job that simply is not for us.
While you contemplate what to do, I want to empower you with a few strategies to consider in the meantime:
Begin Documenting Everything: I am so sorry that you are experiencing such hostility from your supervisor – it’s something that far too many Black women experience, especially when on Whiter teams.
Typically, in my work as a DEI strategist, I push organizations to move away from the tenets of White Supremacy Culture like worship of the written word. In this case however, you need to look out for yourself by documenting every interaction (both formal and informal) that you have with everyone at the company, especially with your supervisor. If you’re keeping this on a company laptop, be sure to have a copy you can utilize at any time on your own devices. Additionally, document how the increased scrutiny affects your mental and physical health. Is your blood pressure higher? Have your therapy sessions focused on work? Are you noticing increased anxiety or panic attacks? Documentation will be crucial in case these interactions with your supervisor increase scrutiny. Be sure to document your accomplishments, feedback received and given, and any interactions that make you uncomfortable. This will help you track your progress and give specific examples of your achievements and completed tasks, should you need them.
Take Care of Yourself: I repeat, you are not a failure because this job is not working out for you! As stressful as this experience might feel, now is the time to especially take care of yourself with habits and routines that will keep you grounded, connected to community, and feeling joy. More than just self-care, those acts of resistance will help you to separate your self-worth from this experience. Whether it works out or not, believe that you are accomplished, capable, and deserve to work with people who respect you.
Use This Experience to Get More Values-Aligned: No workplace is perfect, but it’s clear that this one does not value nor respect Black women. If you’re not into playing the games that come along with White Supremacy Culture in the workplace, consider how you can vet organizations you work for in the future. Ask to speak with other Black women who work there, and ask direct questions to the hiring team about the culture, values, and role expectations.
Assuming that you did all of that for this role, if you’re thinking of what your next steps could be, getting clearer on your values and what skills you most enjoy utilizing can get you going in the right direction.
Start Looking for a New Job: If you haven’t already, it’s a good idea to start applying to new roles again. Whether you leave or stay, you will be starting a new job search. To the best of your ability, maintain strong boundaries between you and your place of work to keep your energy for this search. You might also want to consider advocating for an exit package, should it come down to it.
Believe me when I tell you, I’ve been where you are before. Again, the experience is common, and you will have better experiences in your career. You deserve to work with a manager that will treat you with the kindness and respect you deserve.
One thing I know, is Vanity is for ALL BLACK WOMEN. So I echo what is shared in this article. Nina, this was excellent!